I am just a girl. I am not the solution. I am a question that I am least equipped to answer.
I can only offer myself. Complete with pain and history and scarred skin and bruised knees and more tears than I knew I had.
I don’t know how. I don’t know what. I don’t know.
I want to be softness and light. I want to be simple. I want to be easy to love. I want to be what you need, I want to help you see the delight I find in you.
I see clearly only in hindsight. I must make mistakes before I can learn from them. I am callous and selfish and blind to the truths I don’t want to see. I am broken but I’m trying.
I come on too strong. My love is intense and I have too much to give and not enough foresight to know when to keep it in check.
I lose myself often. It’s easy to lose myself in you, to use you as a compass to give me the direction that I so sorely lack. I invest too much in hoping and wishing, in the fantasies that I try so desperately to manifest. You will like me more once we’re through.
I am sex and paralyzing self-doubt. I am pleasure and pain. Pleasure first, always, but the hurt is never far behind.
I am a destructive force. I am a catalyst. I might break you but you’ll end up stronger for the one you’re finally ready for. I’m not sure when I’ll be ready.
I am a challenge. I am difficult. I will ask a lot of you. I will ask you to be vulnerable. I will ask you to show up. I will ask for all of you. I want your pain and history and scarred skin and bruised knees and tears and unanswerable questions.
I don’t know myself as well as you think I do. I am confusion and contradictions and half-truths and best intentions. I am a process. I require patience. I take time.
I am broken but I’m trying.